


Secrets

by StudentOfEtherium



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Melancholy, Self-Hatred, Trans Male Character, shitty allyship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26918026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StudentOfEtherium/pseuds/StudentOfEtherium
Summary: Following the first deaths of the Killing School Life, Monokuma unveils a new motive for murder: threatening to reveal each and everyone's deepest secret.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Secrets

I'm in my room when I first hear the announcement. Kaede had stopped by to talk earlier, but I spent the time since then training in my room. I wish I could have trained using school facilities, but Monokuma and I had already talked about this. There is no circumstance in which I would accept using the girl's changing room.

And so instead, I'm training in my room.

Except I'm not. I'm heading to the gym.

I arrive quickly. I ran. Running is good exercise. Good training. Arriving early means I have to wait for everyone else. That's fine.

It's not more than ten minutes before the room is full, or as full as a large school gym can be with only thirteen students in it. We stand around for a short time before the headmaster makes his appearance.

“Frankly put, it's been far! Too! Long! Since the last murder. I don't know you're so mired in the despair of learning that  _ two _ of your friends were already willing to kill each other, but maybe you're just lazy. Perhaps I could force you into daily killing exercises, teach you to use weapons and poisons. Maybe that would encourage you. Or maybe I could threaten to kill all of you unless someone dies in the next two days. I could even let whoever next kills one of their dear friends go free without the need for a trial. All of those are possibilities. Terrible possibilities, but possibilities all the same. I'm sure even just the suggestion of those sends shivers down your spine. Well, rest assured, my lovely murderous pupils, I have a wonderful plan for you.”

Monokuma had started pacing back and forth during his speech, but now he stops. He reaches behind a table and pulls out a small box. “Here!” He throws it down on the floor. “Only open the envelope with your name on it. There's some extras in there because I didn't know who would die first.” He starts cackling to himself. “Maybe tonight instead of my usual Monokuma Theater, I'll read those off for your enjoyment.”

Finally, someone speaks up. From the side, Kaede, “What are these?” Monokuma points to the letter in her hand, as much as his paws can point. “These are letters to you, from me. On them are your deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secrets, the one thing above all else you wouldn't want others knowing about. You have two days. If all of you are still alive by then, everyone will know.”

There's a collective gasp from around the room. I remain silent. The headmaster gestures to us, as if to tell us, ‘Open them already.’

And so we do.

I tear open the side of my letter and pull out a piece of paper from inside. I unfold it and read it's contents. It's a single sentence. It's the most devastating sentence I've ever read.

“Tenko Chabashira says she hates boys, yet she still tries to call herself one.”

Around me are further gasps as paper is torn and envelopes are opened. The first student to react vocally is Harukawa.

“You bastard.”

She crumples the piece of paper in just one hand until it's a ball, then she throws it at the black and white bear on-stage. It only makes it halfway before faltering and falling to the ground.

“You might want to pick that up, missy. Don't want others taking it from you and finding out your secret without even getting a kill out of it. And I'm sure you don't want to violate school rules and have to be punished like poor miss Tsumugi, now do you?”

Harukawa glares at him, but all the same walks over and picks up the paper. Monokuma slips away, leaving the rest of us to stay to stand there in shock. It's several more minutes before someone else, Kaede, speaks up.

“This motive only matters if these are secret, right? Then we should just tell each other and have it all out there. I trust all of you to not judge anyone else. We all have embarrassing things we keep from each other, but that's true of everyone. This isn't anything to kill others over. We should just tell each other and let this motivation for murder be meaningless.”

The room stares at her silently.

“And as a show of faith, I'll start!” She turns the paper in her hand and shows it around the room. “I can't ride a bike. I never learned because I was too scared as a kid. I fell once and scraped my knee and gave up. Sometimes when people ask me about it, I'll even lie and say I can. It's always been a bit shameful to me, but that's nothing to kill over! If the choice is my friends knowing that shameful secret and having to see more people die, I will, and have, gladly tell all of you, and I hope you will do the same.”

The stares turn to judgement. The silent current coursing through the room, between and around us, us one of bitterness. I can tell my thought is shared by many of my classmates.

“You really got off that easily?”

Harukawa is again the one to speak.

“Your secret is nothing. Who gives a shit about that? You're right to say that it's nothing to kill over, but your mistake lies in thinking everyone's secret is as petty and nothing as yours. Maybe your life has been easy and frivolous, but it's naive to assume everyone is so privileged to live like that.”

As she finished and stepped to the side, Shuichi spoke up.

“Maki, I don't think that's entirely fair. You're right that the gravity between her secret and others is notable, but her heart was in the right place and her idea to tell each other our secrets to keep each other from spilling them has merit. Personally, rather than telling the whole group right now, we should gather into pairs and within those pairs, share the secrets one on one. It being one on one means that someone will already know. That also means that people can't kill whoever knows their secret without everyone else knowing who the blackened is. It's unfortunate that in two days, everyone will know, but telling others ahead of time will alleviate that somewhat and hopefully keep any murders from occurring. Is this plan alright with all of you?”

There was an initial air of indifference to his words, but it slowly grew more positive. The group ended up agreeing with what he said and we made ourselves into pairs of two.

Shuichi told his secret to Kaede, who had already told the room hers.

Kiibo told his secret to Ouma, who responded with his.

Korekiyo told his secret to Miu, who responded with hers.

Gonta told his secret to Rantaro, who responded with his.

Kaito told his secret to Maki, who responded with hers.

And with only three left, I told my secret to Angie and Himiko, who responded with theirs.

After being put into our groups, we each left to be in isolation of each other. The only restriction was further than hearing distance, but many took it as an excuse to retreat to the dorms. We followed and soon found ourselves fitting face to face in a triangle in Angie's room. The smell of incense hung around, as Angie had lit some candles as soon as we entered. All three of us were quiet and nobody was willing to break the ice and speak up first. Eventually, however, Himiko began:

“My secret- My secret is that I was a horrible apprentice to my master. He abandoned me recently and hasn't said a word to me since. I upstaged him with my magic and took the title of Ultimate Mage, leaving him behind like nothing. His retribution would have left me out like nothing if not for coming to Hope's Peak. I- I still feel so ashamed of how I handled it.”

She hung her head and laid down on her side, dropping her paper face up, showing the words, “Himiko Yumeno was a terrible apprentice so nasty she drove her master away.”

Angie goes next:

“I… am not entirely truthful when it comes to evoking the word of the lord. While it is true I hear the words of God, there are… times, however rarely or often they may be, where I lie and present my own feelings or thoughts as His. I assure you too that I am still a faithful servant of God, but this vice is one I fall upon.”

She, too, hangs her head, then, rather than fall aside, like Himiko, she instead grasps her necklace in her hand and begins whispering a prayer to herself. As she does, she drops her paper, revealing the words, “Angie uses the name of the god she supposedly cares about to push her own agenda.”

And then it's my turn. I stare at the two, both clearly distraught, yet paying enough attention to me. I take a breath, and then another, and then another. I try to calm myself to little effect. To little effect, I try to prevent myself from stumbling over my words, but in the end, I'm given no choice but to begin my confession:

“I'm not a girl. Or rather, I was born that way, but I don't wish to be. I've always desired being boyish. If I could be a boy, in an instant I would. This body feels wrong. And… my hatred of boys, in truth, is twofold. One part is jealousy. How dare they be born like this and have the privilege to not care or have to worry about their body. I loathe them for their inability to understand my feelings and to get that I wish I could be like them. The other comes from their treatment of me as a girl. They treat me like I'm ordinary. I wish I was ordinary. I wish I was an ordinary girl just as much as I wish I was an ordinary boy. I just wish I wasn't like this; however I still loathe those who try to treat me like I am because no matter how much I wish for it, I can't be. So in a way, the boy I hate most is myself.”

And with that, I drop my paper on the floor, revealing the words I heard only an hour before, “Tenko Chabashira says she hates boys, yet she still tries to call herself one.”

And then, without waiting to hear from the others how they feel about my secret, I return to my room to be by myself. Having spent the time earlier training, I was now too tired to do any more. Instead, I opt to take a shower. If I hadn't been interrupted to go to the gym, I would have done this earlier. I didn't get that opportunity, so here I am.

I step into the bathroom with a change of clothes. There's a pile of towels in the corner that refresh nightly. I drop the fresh clothes by the shower door then turn on the shower and grab a pair of towels. I lay one on the ground next to the shower and hang the other on a hook near the glass door. Then, I close my eyes.

First, I untie my hair. If I could have my way, I would cut it all off and never have to bother with it again. I put the fabric that holds it in place on the sink, along with my hairband. Next, I take off my shirt. There's a familiar discomfort as it catches on my chest. With a frown, I pull harder until it's off entirely. I drop it near the door and start on my skirt. I unzip the side and let it drop to the floor. I step out of it and kick it towards where the shirt would be.

I sigh.

I slide my hands across my back until they find the clasp of my bra. I fumble with it quickly until it comes off. Then, I grab the left shoulder strap and slide it off my arm. I repeat that with the right and toss it towards the growing pile. Finally, I reach down and hook my thumb across the strap of my underwear. I pull down until I have to lift my leg and pull it off entirely. Then, once again, I repeat the process. That, too, gets thrown in the pile.

And then I step in the shower.

Hope's Peak Academy, due to being such an advanced school, has showers that stay hot for a long time. This works to my advantage. I wash myself as quickly as I can, then I sit down and crawl into a ball. I let the water fall on my back. I appreciate it, not as pain, but pressure. It's a sensation that is comforting, being hit but all the same being warmed and cleansed by it. I stay balled up like that for at least an hour, if not more.

Eventually, however, I turn the water off. I grab the towel from the hook and dry myself off, focusing away from my chest and waist. Once I'm satisfied, I step out and feel for the pile of clean clothes. Out first, I grab a pair of underwear and a bra. I slip the underwear up my legs and hurry the bra on, hooking it in the front and twisting it to the back once done. Then, skirt and shirt. Only once I'm done do I finally open my eyes again. I don't like what I see in the mirror.

I don't retie my hair.

By now, it's already time to meet the others for dinner, so I hurry there.

Everyone already beat me there.

I sit down next to Himiko in my usual spot. Kiibo and Angie are still in the kitchen, busy cooking, and around the room, stilted conversation fills the air.

Both the pairs of Kaito and Maki well as Shuichi and Kaede are sticking together like always, clearly undeterred by whatever secrets they had told each other. The rest of the pairings were less inclined to socialize quite so much as them, so their disinclination doesn't stand out.

I glance at Himiko, who glances back at me. Neither of us say much, outside of her sliding a folded paper across the table towards me and whispering, “You left this in Angie's room.” I glance down, then pick it up and shove it in one of my pockets.

Thankfully, it's not long until Angie and Kiibo come out with dinner. They set it on the counter near the kitchen and return to their respective seats. Angie starts saying a prayer under her breath while the rest of the room slowly makes their way over to get food. I go close to last.

I pass Angie on my way back and begin eating once I sit down. The conversation quiet somewhat as others do the same, but slowly the stilted atmosphere begins to cool. At the table of Himiko, Angie, and I, it's Angie who first addresses me directly.

“Sorry.”

It was just one word and I don't know if she meant to follow up. However, whether or not a follow-up was intended, one did come.

“I… don't really know how to, well, treat you now. That's a terrible way to say that. I'm sorry. I just don't know how to handle this. Should I refer to you differently? Or should the others not be let to know until the two days have passed?”

Wordlessly, I shake my head to affirm the negative.

Throughout the meal, Himiko stays silent. Following Angie's brief aside with me, she, too, remains silent. I don't say a single word during the meal.

Afterwards, I hurry out. It's not my night for any of the chores in rotation, and with little else to do, I opt to spend the night alone in my room.

On the first floor, there is only the dorms, the gym, and the media room worth considering; none appeal to me. On the second floor, there are the workout rooms and the swimming pool, but my hesitation around the split changing rooms keeps me away, even if I would rather spend my time there. Beyond that, there's just the library. I've never been one for reading.

With little else to do, I start catastrophizing.

Thoughts of everything that can go wrong fill my head. Both if someone dies and if we escape the headmaster’s latest ploy. If someone dies and if everyone learns my secret. While Angie seemed to take it with little issue, Himiko had said nothing, leaving me little to go off of for her response, let alone how the rest might do so.

But before I can take these thoughts further, I opt to go to bed. The nighttime notice hasn't played yet, but I don't want to be awake any longer.

I awake to the morning alarm, meaning I slept about eleven hours. More sleep than I usually get. Not like I have anything to be awake for.

I hurry to the dining room for breakfast, although it doesn't feel like it's been too long since dinner. Unlike that meal, breakfast among our class is eaten alone, or at least in smaller groups. I prepare myself a quick plate of food and bring it back to my room. As I eat, I try to figure out what I will be doing with my day.

I haven't been at Hope's Peak long enough for a schedule to develop. Every time I start to develop something, there's a new shakeup that ruins it. The others’ talents and interests give them plenty to go off of, but aikido, for all I care about it, doesn't give me that.

As I'm on my way back to my room from returning my dishes to the kitchen, Kaede interrupts me. “How did yesterday go? With Himiko and Angie, I mean.” I look at her, then down at the floor. “Alright. I still don't see the purpose of it, though. If everyone's going to know, then why should we tell people ahead of time? Seems pointless.” Kaede shrugs. “I was hoping that by telling people beforehand, it would soften the inevitable blow. Sounds like it didn't do much for you, though.” I shake my head and start walking back to my room. Kaede follows and invites herself in when we arrive. I roll my eyes, but accept it. Not like I have anything better to be doing.

“I am a bit curious about your secret, Tenko. Maybe that's a bit rude of me, but I've always been the type to pry. Angie and Himiko last night as dinner didn't seem put off by you, and Angie seemed outright sympathetic, so it's not anything bad you did or a major personality flaw. The same goes towards the others you talked to, none seem especially significant from an interpersonal perspective. I only mention this because Kaito, while still clearly willing to keep talking to Maki, is also clearly put off by whatever he learned about her. Miu seems uncomfortable with Korekiyo having learned his secret, but I tried digging it out of her and she wouldn't say a thing. That clearly doesn't go both ways, however since he doesn't seem to think much of her secret. I'm not gonna say what it was, but Shuichi's secret isn't anything to worry about. All that said, I imagine your secret is something of a personal shame and ripping off that band-aid all at once probably isn't the best way to deal with this, so individual people learning before everyone else has to know will make you feel better!”

And with no prompting, she hurries over to the dresser across from my bed and enthusiastically picks up my letter. Before I can respond, she turns it over and reads its contents.

“Oh.”

She sets the letter back on the table face down and walks back over to me, then sits down. “Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Given how much more serious Shuichi's secret was than mine, I should have assumed mine was the outlier, not his.” She looks down and off to the side. I sigh and shake my head. “It's fine. You're right that everyone will know eventually, so you knowing now isn't the end of the world. You would've learned tomorrow. That said, please don't tell the others before then.” I pause for a beat continuing. “But as far as our class is concerned, I don't exactly mind you knowing. Certainly better than any the b- any of other boys. I don't know why, but you seem trustworthy. I really don't know why. At no point since this killing game began have you proven yourself to be trustworthy, but I guess everyone else is worse.”

Kaede is silent for a second before smiling.

“Thanks. I think.”

She hesitates another second before continuing.

“I can't really say I have a ton of experience with, well, people like you. Back in middle school, in my film class, there was a guy and I didn't realize he was trans until like six months after we graduated that he was trans when in retrospect. I feel sorry now cause I kept asking him what his ‘real’ name was and why he complained when the teacher called him that… In retrospect it was obvious, I think he even wore a binder. And I mean, hell yeah for him but I'm sorry I couldn't have known at the time.”

She stops herself when she realizes I'm not paying attention to what she's saying.

“Sorry. Could've said that better. What I mean to say is that I support you. I'm here for you. I'm a good ally, I promise.”

“I appreciate that, but… don't be so overly eager. I trust you mean well, though. I appreciate that.”

I lean back against my bed and stare up. “But please don't tell anyone else. They'll find out when they do, but I'd rather have that more time to prepare myself, mentally.” She smiles at me. “Okay! Can do!”

Another pause.

“...Do you still want to talk?” I shake my head and kick her out.

By now it's approaching mid morning. I decide to take a jog around the open floors available as a warm up. A few times I'm stopped by classmates to talk, first by Shuichi, then Angie, and finally Gonta. I brush the latter off, since by then I'm ready to be back in my room. I rest for a short time, then head to the kitchen for lunch. A couple of other classmates are also there, but I ignore them. I eat quickly and return to my room. 

I only stay there a short time before I head out again, this time to the supply closet near the kitchen. I haven't spent much time there, so I don't know much about what its contents are like, so I want to check anyway. If there's something in there that can help my training, I'll accept it.

I'm far in the back of the room when I hear the door open. I don't bother greeting whoever entered. A supply closet is not a place for socializing. I'm digging around through shelves as I hear footsteps. Then

**Author's Note:**

> Ding dong dong ding
> 
> A body has been discovered
> 
> ///////////////////////////////
> 
> Korekiyo has been found guilty. Time for the punishment!


End file.
